I used to write end-of-the-year updates like these on my other websites. When COVID-19 hit, I mostly stopped as it felt like I wasn’t doing as much. I’m bringing it back in this space, especially cause it helps me see all that I really do.
Two Years with My Favorite Human & Getting Engaged
Two years ago on December 2, I met my partner in person for the first time. Now here we are, having bought a house together a year ago and planning our wedding for next year. I have never felt as partnered, cared for, or loved as I do right now – not just by my partner but by the entire family.
On our two-year anniversary, Grav and I took a hike back where we first hiked together in December 2020. Now we’re planning our wedding for mid-September!
Guest Room Renovation
We started and finished renovating our guest room in our home. It was… in really bad shape. I have to say that it’s one of my favorite rooms in the house now, though.
You can see more details photos that my partner pulled together here.
We also put in a fence in our backyard for the dogs and built a really nice workbench in the garage:
Grav has added a really cool French cleat wall system behind the desk for storage as well.
A Rough Day of Testing
Back in January 2019, I finally received my hypermobility and MCAS diagnoses. The provider I saw for hypermobility also had given me a differential diagnosis of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). Over the summer this year, I was able to get a virtual appointment with the POTS clinic at Cleveland Clinic. Last week, I went in for a day of testing.
It was… an experience. Honestly, I’m feeling less like this was the best step for me.
You can read more about that here.
A Long Decade
We hit a decade since my dear friend Laura passed away due to complications related to an infection and her systemic juvenile idiopathic arthritis. I miss her immensely, but know that she’s around me more than I realize.
Therapy Gains
I made a lot of progress in therapy this year, especially in processing trauma work. I’ve been doing EMDR therapy, also called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. We made so much progress since starting earlier this year that we were even able to switch to processing a second memory! Honestly, my brain is processing that more quickly than I thought it would as well.
Processing trauma like this is almost like unraveling a scarf – once you get the first spot pulled apart, it can be easier to unravel every related thing.
It helps a lot that I’ve been able to work on processing some things on my own as a result of having support from both my therapist and my partner.
The Book & Other Published Pieces
I wrote a chapter in “Keeping It Real with Arthritis,” out now! Created by Effie Koliopoulos, this book is a collection of over 100 worldwide, personal stories written by passionate and inspiring individuals living with arthritis, and their supporters; parents, caretakers, and medical professionals. All royalties for this book support the International Foundation for Autoimmune & Autoinflammatory Arthritis. If you’re interested in snagging a copy, you can order it today here.
I also got to write more for Invisible Project, the US Pain Foundation’s magazine. I love working with their editor Rebecca who attended college where I live. Plus, it’s such rewarding work to be doing.
- Exercise Can Help Ease Pain— But Approaches Must Be Nuanced And Individualized
- Sara Gehrig: Chasing Peace after Treatments Bring More Pain
- Making Medical Forms And Doctor Visits More Inclusive: Creating Safe Appointments For Transgender, Nonbinary, And Gender Diverse Individuals
- Chris Johnson: Making The Choice Not To Give Up
- Mia Robinson: Turning Pain and Tragedy into Advocacy
Presentations
I got to do a lot of virtual presentations this year, which has been wonderful. I was on a few panels for Colorado State University, thanks to a pal who is a student there, and got to present for my former workplace Wisconsin DHS on LGBTQ+ Health Disparities. I also had the opportunity to present on accessible sex to students at Albion College. My friend Ren Grabert and I also presented about SOGI 101 for healthcare providers, courtesy of MATEC Wisconsin.
Service, Quotes, & Recognition
I’ve gotten to continue serving as the communications director for the Trans CARE Collaborative in addition to the OMERACT workgroups I serve on. I also have been invited to join several upcoming research projects around pain, juvenile arthritis, and health equity. So exciting!!
One of the cool things I got to do was to attend the INTEGRATE-Pain Virtual Pain Domain Meeting – a collaboration between health care providers, researchers, and patients around advancing the field of pain research led by the NIH and the IMI. This will improve how we work on acute pain, acute-to-chronic pain transition, recurrent & breakthrough pain, and chronic pain – not just for clinical studies but in day-to-day clinical work across the United States and the European Union.
Some of the work accomplished this year included the American College of Rheumatology publishing their recommendations for vaccinations in patients with rheumatic diseases. I was one of two patient representatives involved in the official voting process and in drafting these recommendations, which is just wild. I was also involved in the non-voting larger patient group that helped to share information for ACR to create the new updated guidelines for treating juvenile arthritis.
My chronic pain website continues to be named one of the arthritis blogs Everyday Health highlights.
I know that I receive opportunities like this because of the hard work I do with groups like OMERACT, the American College of Rheumatology, prestigious medical schools across the country, and more. Still, I’m constantly pinching myself to remember that this is my life.
I also appeared in the following pieces and podcast episodes:
- How to make Pap tests more comfortable for queer and trans patients
- Episode 342 of Dragon Talk: An Official Dungeons & Dragons Podcast
- Grocery Worries: Shoppers express frustration with Kroger reorganization, lack of mask enforcement
- Chronic love: Dating, sex and living with illness
- How Infantilization Corrupts Disabled Sexuality
- Birth control, gay and interracial marriage, and more may be at risk if Roe v. Wade falls
- Abuse, discrimination, exclusion: Transgender men explain domino effect of losing reproductive care post-Roe (also reprinted in the book Aftermath: Life in Post-Roe America by Elizabeth G. Hines)
- A series of videos about LGBTQ+ access to care and Roe V Wade for the Population Connection Action Fund
My New Job
My last day at my old day job was December 7th and it was a long time coming. The amount of stress relief that I’ve experienced around work is just wild. My body is so much happier.
On Dec 12th, I started with an amazing company focused on DEIB (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging) work. I get to create content to specifically educate folks at large companies about the world we live in and how it truly works. The fact that they recruited me via LinkedIn and my social media presence is just fantastic. Many of us fear how folks will react when we post educational content on social media platforms like LinkedIn. There can be some awful responses, including blowback at jobs.
I’ve got unlimited PTO and work on a team where every single person is focused on DEIB work. I’m neither the only non-cisgender person nor the only disabled or neurodivergent person. I love every single person on my team and am so excited to bring more of my skills to this work to change the world.
I’ve also found community with folks on some other teams already with plans to hang out in person and co-work in the future.
Transition Goals
By no means am I done with my transition process, but I’ve hit new milestones: having to shape my beard more regularly, being read more often as a man, and hitting the baritone vocal range while singing after being a high soprano my whole life. That last one feels especially good.
My Name Change
When I was a kid, the name I was given by my family fit. I loved it, leaning into the American Girl doll stories I was named after.
As I grew up, I started disliking my name. People always pronounced and spelled it wrong, transposing letters. While it’s easy to do that and therefore also easy to forgive it, it stung.
As I found myself and explored my gender, hearing that name began to do more than sting. I didn’t hate it, but it felt like a weird holiday sweater that was sized completely wrong and made of fabric I’m allergic to.
Two years ago, I picked a name for myself. My first name was gender-neutral enough that it felt good regardless of the way I was presenting. The middle name would be after Patrick Stewart, the person who taught me about righteousness, leadership, and caring for others through his acting.
I finally had time last Friday to run in and submit my name change request. I was prepared for a hearing and all of that but instead received a letter yesterday to certify that my name – Grayson – is actually mine.
I’m so thrilled, even though that means a lot of paperwork for changing my name everywhere. The Social Security Administration has my new name on file now, meaning it’s even more official! As I write this, I’m planning to pop to the DMV and then work on all the additional paperwork I’ll need to fill out.
This Doesn’t Happen in a Vacuum
One of my favorite Audre Lorde quotes is,
“Without community, there is no liberation…but community must not mean a shedding of our differences, nor the pathetic pretense that these differences do not exist.”
The things that I’ve been able to do this year have so much to do with the support I receive from each of you, folks talking me up in spaces or recommending me for writing / presentations / workgroups, etc., and more. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for reading, listening, sharing your thoughts and stories, and for just being you.
Here’s to an awesome 2023!