Dreams of Your Ancestors

I came across a TikTok video today that hard me nearly in tears. It features an individual reading a piece of work by Bert Hellinger discussing black sheep in families. Here is Bert’s full piece:

The so-called black sheep of the family are, in fact, hunters born of paths of liberation into the family tree.

The members of a tree who do not conform to the norms or traditions of the family system, those who since childhood have constantly sought to revolutionise beliefs, going against the paths marked by family traditions, those criticised, judged and even rejected, these are usually called to free the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations.

The black sheep, those who do not adapt, those who cry rebelliously, play a basic role within each family system, they repair, pick up and create new and unfold branches in the family tree.

Thanks to these members, our trees renew their roots. Its rebellion is fertile soil, its madness is water that nourishes, its stubbornness is new air, its passion is fire that re-ignites the light of the heart of the ancestors.

Uncountable repressed desires, unfulfilled dreams, the frustrated talents of our ancestors are manifested in the rebelliousness of these black sheep seeking fulfilment. The genealogical tree, by inertia will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes the task of our sheep a difficult and conflicting work.

However, who would bring new flowers to our tree if it were not for them? Who would create new branches? Without them, the unfulfilled dreams of those who support the tree generations ago would die buried beneath their own roots.

Let no one cause you to doubt, take care of your rarity as the most precious flower of your tree.

You are the dream of all your ancestors.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to thrive as me. In fact, it was the topic of my therapy session today.

When I say ‘me’ here, I don’t just mean me as an individual, but as someone who is approaching middle age and a transgender, neurodivergent, disabled, queer, abuse survivor living in Appalachia. Escaping Mormonism alone is something most in my family can’t seem to do, regardless of how much they’d like to. Knowing that I’ve escaped other abuses and made my own name for myself – in more ways than one…

I find myself wondering how my great grandparents would react to this adult version of me. This version is still sick, happy, and singing all the time. He’s changed a lot since he was a little girl, too.

I listened again to the TikTok of Nick reading a snippet of Bert’s work, and a poem flooded into my head. This has been happening a lot lately. I feel like a lot of my creativity is coming back now that I am no longer being stifled by the stress of my past job – and now that I’m working in a space where I have to care for myself. It’s literally an expectation of my job. Regardless of the cause, I’m enjoying it immensely.

Without further ado, I present to you “Dreams of Your Ancestors.”

You are the dreams that your ancestors dreamt
The safe place they turned to, alone, while they wept
As they lay sleeping, thinking of you
You’re succeeding beyond anything they knew

Generations existed and toiled in pain
Hoping you would not need do the same
Your melody is made of their heartbeats and drums
And the noises they’d make as they lived off of crumbs

They pop in from time to time
To see you thrive in their family line
What was once thought unchangeable
You see as intergenerational
They watch with approval as you cause upheaval
Healing trauma that was once primeval
Those times when your heart is bursting with pride
That’s them, coming through, sharing joy with a sigh

Don’t forget to nurture the version of you
Who dreams about your progeny, too
Whether in chosen family or family of birth
Don’t ignore the mark you will make on this earth

The moments you encounter, not unlike deja vu
Are your ancestors living vicariously in you