Writer, activist, health nerd, and polymath

The Reason for the Season | LGBTQIA+ Pride Month Series

Happy LGBTQ+ Pride Month!

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I’ll be posting facts, statistics, and more about the community all month long (or until my ADHD stops me, causing me to apologize profusely towards the end of June). If you have questions or topics you’d like to see highlighted, feel free to comment here or send me a message. Otherwise, stay tuned to social media or revisit this page to see updated topics below.

 

The Reason for the Season | LGBTQIA+ Pride Month Series

 

If you're not familiar with the LGBTQ acronym, it stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer. At its core, the LGBTQ+ community is a group of individuals who share similar experiences because of their identities as being not cisgender, not heterosexual, or neither of those. There is no single shared experience in this community, especially because other identities affect these as well. For example, someone who is transgender and born to a rich, supportive w h i t e family will have a different experience than someone who was not. With that in mind, people may face challenges related to coming out, discrimination, and systemic barriers. Many LGBTQ individuals also find support and community within this group, which can provide a sense of belonging and connection.

The term "queer" is often used as an inclusive umbrella term that encompasses genders, sexual orientations, and other related identities. You might see this written out longer, which is done to include additional identities, such as asexual, intersex, Two Spirit, and pansexual. The "+" is used similarly, too.

Sexual orientation is how we explain the types of people we are sexually attracted to on a regular basis. Some orientation-related terms you may or may not know include:

  • Heterosexual/straight: attracted to members of the ‘opposite’ gender.
  • Asexual (ace): a spectrum describing someone who does not feel attracted to others sexually.
  • Gay: men or masculine non-binary people attracted to men. This term can be used as a general term for those under the LGBTQ+ umbrella at times, with varying degrees of inclusion.
  • Lesbian: women or non-binary people who are attracted to women.
  • Bisexual: the more well-known term to say “I am attracted to two or more genders.”
  • Pansexual: think “I am attracted to everyone, regardless of their or my gender identity.”
  • Queer: Many LGBTQ+ people identify as queer, partially for sociopolitical reasons related to history and activism. This is often used to describe a person who falls under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, regardless of their gender or orientation.

Sexual orientation is a spectrum, and people may not fit neatly into any one category. That’s part of why we talk about the pattern of attraction. For example, many gay people may have dated straight folks in the past. That doesn’t make them straight or any other label than the one they feel matches their experience.

We often talk about sexual orientation as though it encompasses all types of ways we can be attracted to someone. It’s really become a way to share who we are romantically, sensually, and sexually attracted to in society. However, did you know that there are actually several types of attraction?

  • Aesthetic: attraction to one’s appearance.
  • Alterous: attraction that’s a mix between platonic and romantic; wanting emotional closeness.
  • Platonic: wanting a friendship with someone.
  • Romantic: wanting to have a romantic relationship with someone.
  • Sensual: wanting to engage in non-sexual closeness like cuddling.
  • Sexual: wanting to engage in sexual acts with someone.

All of these terms can be used as suffixes to some of the sexual orientation-related terms you may know. For example, someone who is biromantic is attracted to more than one gender in a romantic fashion. This opens up the ability to explain many more experiences that fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, such as aromantic folks. People who are aromantic or aro do not feel attracted to others romantically and therefore are not interested in romantic relationships with others. This may or may not affect their other orientations.

Even if aromantic or asexual people are “hetero-leaning” or heterosexual, they are still a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Why? They do not meet societal expectations of how people are ‘supposed’ to engage in relationships. As such, they experience a ton of discrimination, exclusion, and downright violence.

You can learn a little more about orientation and attraction over on Chronic Sex.

Many people don’t understand how sex is different from gender. As a society, we incorrectly use some of the same terms for both and this causes a lot of confusion. So, today, let’s look at what sex actually is.

In classic scenes depicting birth, you’ll see a doctor look at a baby and yell out, “Congratulations! It’s a boy!” What they really should say is, “Congratulations! I believe your child is male because I see what I believe is a penis!” It’s most often doctors who ‘decide’ what a child’s sex is based on the appearance of the baby’s external genitalia. Now, that’s not all sex is, though. It includes internal organs, hormones, and chromosomes.

Since we can only peek at the outside of the body, sometimes people get it wrong. People are born with all sorts of mixes of organs, chromosomes, hormones, and genitalia. If someone doesn’t fall neatly within a binary of male or female (the proper words for sex), they are intersex. Intersex folks make up roughly 2% of the population. Unfortunately, many people may not know they’re intersex until they are adults and seeking testing or a diagnosis for various health issues.

What’s worse is that some healthcare providers pressure parents of more obviously intersex infants to ‘choose’ a sex and put their child through “corrective” surgeries. This can cause a lot of harm, especially if parents aren’t forthcoming with this information. Thankfully, many nations and U.S. states are banning this process.

Intersex folks can also be transgender! If you have played the roleplaying game Pathfinder, Crystal Frasier is a name you may recognize. She is both intersex and a transgender woman. We'll dig more into gender tomorrow.

As someone who is dyadic (or not intersex), I am not an expert on their experiences and highly suggest folks check out organizations and folks who are. This includes:

  • GATE - Global Action for Trans Equality
  • interACT: advocates for intersex youth
  • Intersex Asia
  • Intersex Aotearoa
  • Intersex Human Rights Australia
  • Intersex UK
  • Intersex Campaign for Equality
  • Brújula Intersexual
  • Organisation Intersex International

Gender overall is a societal construct that tells us who performs which (gender) roles. This changes over time, such as the US shifting from the 1950s - where women couldn't even wear pants 😱 - to present-day - where women can work outside the home and men can be stay-at-home parents.

Gender identity (often shortened to gender) is an individual's internal sense of gender. It is how a person identifies and sees themselves, whether it be male, female, or nonbinary. It is important to note that gender identity and biological sex are not the same thing, and individuals can identify with a gender that is different from the sex they were assigned at birth. When that happens, that person is transgender.

Trans, btw, is just a Latin prefix that means ‘different’ while Cis is one that means ‘Same.’ Cis is not a slur, just Latin.

A transgender woman is someone whose gender is woman but who was assumed to be something different at birth. A transgender man is someone whose gender is man but who was assumed to be something different at birth. People who don’t fit the man/woman gender binary are called nonbinary, and they may feel like gender doesn’t apply to them, they’re somewhere between man and woman, or something else entirely. There is a lot of terminology here that I won’t cover today, but it’s important to learn to be an ally.

Some people don’t feel like one gender label fits them or may use a few to best describe their gender. For example, I am a transgender man. I was assumed to be a girl at birth and now am a dude. There is also part of me that still aligns heavily with the nonbinary term because, honestly, I am me - not really one specific gender. Sometimes I’m more masculine and other times I’m more feminine. So, if I were to be most precise with my identity, I am a nonbinary trans man - and, yes, all those labels can coexist! I tend to keep it short and just use ‘trans man’ when I talk to others, especially if they’re not as tuned in to the community.

There’s this idea that trans folks are new or that our existence is a fad, something that anti-trans folks want you to believe. We’ll dig more into issues there tomorrow, but today I want you to know that the reality is way different than that. 

There are many examples from across history and around the globe of additional genders being accepted, supported, and an important part of society. Some examples include:

  • Hijras (South Asia)
  • Two Spirit (Indigenous North America)
  • Il Femminiello (Naples)
  • Fa’afafine (Samoa and Polynesia)
  • Khanith (Oman and the Middle East)
  • Muxe (Mexico)
  • Sekrata (Madagascar)
  • Bakla (Philippines)

You can learn more about additional genders, thanks to this interactive PBS map.

This is, by no means, an exhaustive list. We will likely never know just how many additional genders existed.

Why?

Many of these communities didn’t see varying genders as negative until they were colonized by “Western” civilizations. Colonizers destroyed rich histories, including multiple genders and sexualities AND the acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community.

This is just one of the reasons why it’s hard to watch countries with a history of colonization be told they have to change by the same countries that brought them homophobia and transphobia in the first place. Without colonizers introducing an anti-LGBTQ+ belief system, we would probably have more global acceptance of the community.

We all have to take responsibility for this, for changing how we think around the LGBTQ+ community but also around this history. As someone related to multiple colonizing leaders, I see educating others about this not only as a part of my personal journey but also something I morally owe this world and my fellow people.

Lisa Littman coined the term ‘rapid-onset gender dysphoria’ after speaking with multiple parents who frequented anti-trans websites. These parents believed that their children were trans because it was a fad, some type of “social contagion.” While Littman has more recently said that ROGD "does not apply to all cases of gender dysphoria… [or] imply that nobody benefits from transition,” that’s exactly how she and others used the study.

The methodology and information within the study was so flawed that multiple medical associations denounced ROGD and Littman. Recently, Springer Nature retracted the article, citing a lack of written informed consent by participants.

One of the issues with this article is that it acted as though children would tell their seemingly anti-trans parents about their gender dysphoria. Our community, even children, knows better than to do this. We’ve seen how it turns out. Instead, we test the waters and observe how our parents act and react. If we aren’t safe, we won’t come out until it feels like we absolutely have to.

This article also spread misinformation and added to anti-trans panic. People like Ron DeSantis and JK Rowling used this theory to claim that society needed to block children and adolescents from accessing gender-affirming care, in case they weren’t "actually" transgender. Did this study single-handedly cause the anti-trans legislation wave? No, but it absolutely added a lot of fuel to the fire. It also added to a fundamental misunderstanding of the processes in place pretty much everywhere to access this type of care, including requiring therapy or letters attesting to the individual’s readiness to transition from multiple providers.

Multiple studies have proved ROGD doesn’t exist – that 97% of people who come out as trans or nonbinary in their youth continue to identify as such in adulthood:

Even those who de-transition overwhelmingly do so because of societal or family pressure.

So, no, ROGD is not real. Being transgender is not some "social contagion" or fad. People are just finding more words to describe how they feel earlier instead of living entire lives feeling something major is off. And, frankly, that's a beautiful thing.

Imagine a scenario in which you are called the wrong pronoun or honorific — for example Mr., Ms., or Mrs. — multiple times a day. It might happen in person, over the phone, or via email. Each time it happens, you must decide whether it is worth it to correct that person or easier to let it go. Imagine that you are repeatedly confronted with this experience and the decision of whether or not to correct it throughout the day — every single day.

When people are misgendered like this, they feel invalidated and unseen. After all, it’s exhausting to go through this decision workflow multiple times a day — let alone to have to decide if your humanity is worth correcting someone. When this happens daily, it becomes a burden that can negatively impact their mental health and their ability to function in the world.

While misgendering can occur for everyone, it is especially harmful for transgender and nonbinary folks. A person might be misgendered because of their appearance (e.g., facial hair or a lack thereof), voice, or if the person misgendering just isn’t paying attention.

What’s even worse is that misgendering isn’t always an accident. It can be a specific, deliberate act. It doesn’t just stop there, either. In the 2015 U.S. Trans Survey, 46% of respondents shared that they experienced verbal harassment because of their identity. 9% of respondents had been physically assaulted.

A 2014 study in the journal Self and Identity asked trans folks about being misgendered. They found that:

  • 32.8% of participants reported feeling very stigmatized when misgendered.
  • Genderqueer folks, and people who had taken fewer steps in the transition process, were most likely to be misgendered.
  • Those who were misgendered more frequently felt that their identity was very important, but experienced lower self-esteem around their appearance.
  • They also had a reduced sense of strength and continuity in their identity.

As I said earlier, misgendering happens. The best way to handle it is to apologize and correct yourself. For example, if you were to misgender me, you could say “Sorry, he -” and then go on with your sentence. If someone else corrects you, say thank you and follow the other steps. Keep your apology brief like that, or you run the risk of making the slip-up about you and basically making trans folks console you for causing them harm. That’s not a good look OR a good feeling.

 

Note: Some of the text above was taken from the following links:

Have you ever been in a meeting where someone calls you by a name that isn’t yours? Whether it’s because of a mispronunciation or they forgot your name, it feels weird, doesn’t it? Now, imagine if the name you were called misgendered you and brought up trauma?

This is how deadnaming can feel. I also talk a lot about it feeling like being forced to wear that weird holiday sweater some extended family member got you, even though it's two sizes too small and made of itchy wool.

Deadnaming happens when you use a name that a transgender person no longer goes by. This is usually a name someone was given at birth, but that they no longer use. Not every trans person feels the need to change their name either legally or socially, so this doesn’t always apply to every person. (It also isn’t a term that applies to cisgender - non-transgender - folks; this is a trans-specific word.)

As I said earlier, deadnaming can cause harm. It invalidates our identities, causing dysphoria, anxiety, depression, and feelings of shame and isolation. It can also reinforce prejudices and discrimination against transgender individuals, leading to further harm.

Now, it’s easy to feel like deadnaming is always done maliciously. In reality, it can take people time to adjust to using a new name for someone – especially if they’ve known someone for a long time. Our brains love using patterns and relying on older information. That’s because neuroplasticity plays a big role in making these adjustments.

Neuroplasticity is the ability associated with making change and creating new neural connections. Some health conditions can affect this, including those that affect memory, retaining new information, or neural activity. While it’s important for trans folks to show some patience around learning new names and pronouns, cis people also need to practice using these terms. That practice helps build up neuroplasticity and facilitates new neural connections. There are many ways you can practice, including looking at a photo and saying someone’s new name and pronouns or checking out specific apps and websites that help.

Just like with pronouns, if you find yourself making a mistake with someone’s name, apologize, correct yourself, and move on. Keep your apology brief like that, or you run the risk of making the slip-up about you and basically making trans folks console you for causing them harm. That’s not a good look OR a good feeling.

Yesterday, I highlighted the term ‘deadnaming.’ Today, I’m going to talk about why that’s a term.

This term originally came from Black trans spaces. While trans folks experience a lot of violence – from slurs and misgendering to physical attacks and murder – these rates are highest for Black and brown trans women and femmes.

Black trans folks are more likely to experience violence even after death, with news articles, police, and other sources referring to individuals by a name they don’t regularly use (e.g., their birth name). In fact, the HRC found that 70% of all trans folks murdered between 2013 and 2022 in the U.S. were deadnamed and misgendered by media and police.

This is often done intentionally, too, making it even more harmful.

People talk about how trans folks are a small percentage of the population, and that’s true. That means, though, that the increasing attacks on our community cause an uptick in transphobic violence that seems overblown – but the numbers are unfortunately very real.

For example, there was a 93% increase in the number of trans folks killed in the U.S. and Puerto Rico from 2017 to 2021. One UCLA estimate believes 13% of the greater trans community to be Black – but Black trans women and femmes made up nearly 75% of victims in this time period.

As for 2022? At least 32 trans folks were murdered in the U.S. The victims were “overwhelmingly Black, under 35 and killed with a firearm,” according to an HRC report.

Tomorrow, we'll dive more into some of the reasons why this disparity exists.

References, further reading, etc.

On Day 10, I shared the following report from Human Rights Campaign (PDF).

I'm super late posting for Pride month today. Instead of posting what I might've already decided on, I'm going to talk about why.

One of the conditions I have is called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (or EDS). EDS is the name for any number of 13 (or so) disorders where we get a defect in our collagen. If you don't know, collagen is what we call the proteins that add flexibility and strength to our connective tissue. With EDS, our collagen is weak and this causes all sorts of subtype-dependent wildness - from super soft and stretchy skin to being incredibly flexible.

Despite it being a genetic condition, I wasn't diagnosed with this until 2019. At the time, I have been out of work for two and a half years. I was so sick that I straight up could not work. I often struggled with sitting up, laying down most of the time. It took all of that time to finally be diagnosed, too.

Many people with EDS are part of the LGBTQIA+ community. We're often also more perceptively disabled, depending on our symptoms and the day. I have a neck brace I should use more often than I do, because my neck and back are pretty fragile. I also have weekly physical therapy that I'll be in probably indefinitely.

Last night, my partner and I went to the nearest drive-in in Columbus to see "Across the Spider-Verse." I was already excited, but a fellow EDSer let me know that Sun-Spider - a queer Spider-man variant who uses forearm crutches (THAT SHOOT WEBS!!!) and a wheelchair - was ON SCREEN. I've been lucky enough to share my joy about this with Tee Franklin, one of the Marvel writers who helped bring Sun-Spider to life in the comics.

Representation is so important, even when we're in our mid-30s. Sun-Spider isn't on the screen long, but she makes a hilarious joke moving from one mobility aid to another. She is present, is here and queer and disabled. And, just like most of us, her disability is a part of who she is and why she does what she does.

As someone who has never really had the best self-esteem, I've spent today sitting with the knowledge of all the work I do, of how I get to be that representation for other people. What I do isn't maybe as openly widespread and seen as Sun-Spider saving the multiverse. In my own way, though, I've navigated the same feelings, frustrations, and some of the same battles.

Go see this movie. It's beautiful and delightful. Even better, you might see a lot more of yourself in it than you think.

Sun-Spider shoots webs out of her forearm canes

“We don’t like what we don’t understand – in fact, it scares us.” This line from Kill The Beast in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast has stood out to me ever since I saw the movie in theaters as a small child.

It’s helped me understand how people become closed off and engage in harm. The best part about that is that this was intended. See, Howard Ashman was gay and he put the line in to call out attitudes that are anti-LGBTQIA+ and harmful for those with HIV and AIDS.

Transphobic arguments often rely on inaccurate or biased understandings of gender identity and transgender folks. Frequently, they are rooted in fear – fear of the unknown, what folks don’t understand, or even of losing power and privilege. Plus, maintaining the status quo, the “traditional” Westernized gender roles and norms is familiar.

Transphobia is a prejudice or bias against transgender people that can manifest in many ways, from subtle microaggressions to blatant hate crimes. There is no one way this bias shows up in society, but it can show up as:

  • Trying to limit or remove rights from trans people
  • Advocating the withdrawal of access, or delay, to transition-related medical treatment for trans people or advocating or facilitating any kind of therapy that has the effect of trying to change anyone's gender identity
  • Deliberately endangering the lives of trans children and young people
  • Claiming there is a "conflict" between trans rights and other human rights
  • Misrepresenting trans people as groomers, threats, etc.
  • Taking one or two trans people to represent the entire community
  • Using biological essentialism to try and delegitimize trans people
  • Encouraging violence against trans people
  • Systematically excluding trans people from discussions about issues that directly affect them
  • Expecting trans people to participate in "debates" about their right to exist, especially to do so calmly
  • Harassment, misgendering, deadnaming, ostracization
  • Physical assault, abuse, and murder

Many transgender folks feel unsafe in public spaces. Some of us tend to avoid going out altogether. Being in a state of hypervigilance like this is hard, especially since transphobia already harms our mental health. See, we are at a higher risk of developing mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. This is largely due to the stress of living in a world that is often hostile towards our identities, struggling with acceptance from loved ones, and more.

Unsurprisingly, studies consistently show that we just actually want to be able to pee without being harassed, hate crimed, or harming anyone else. It really is that simple. Allowing us to use affirming facilities and spaces doesn't lead to an increase in violence or harm against cisgender folks of any age.

Coming out is when someone reveals their sexuality, another orientation / attraction type, or gender identity to another person or multiple people.

The decision to come out is deeply personal. Why? Well, it easily can have a negative effect on our emotional, social, and family lives. When coming out to my mother as queer, she believed this was because of abuse I suffered or that I was confused. When I even broached the topic of gender, she told me she "didn't want to hear it" and left the room. I was in college and hadn't figured out that I was trans yet - her reaction shut down the part of my brain that questioned my gender and led to a decade of struggling. We don't talk for a lot of reasons, but her refusal to accept the LGBTQ+ community is a big part.

Coming out can be a difficult and sometimes scary experience, but it can also be a liberating and empowering one. I found my people. And I'm grateful that I get to be a beacon of permission for others to question sexuality, gender, and more.

Here's a great piece I'm lucky to be quoted in from the Global Healthy Living Foundation about why LGBTQ+ representation matters.

The Stonewall Inn was a popular gathering place for the LGBTQ+ community in the late 1960s, at a time when homosexuality was illegal in most states and police raids on gay bars were a common occurrence. Dancing and even holding hands with another “same sex” person in public were both illegal. This was one of the few places where community members could gather freely and be themselves without fear of persecution.

Because of that, it became a haven for the most othered members of the community, including drag queens, trans folks, and homeless youth. Cops would come in to harass folks, extort bribes from the mafia-owned location, and raid the bar regularly.

On June 28, 1969, New York City police raided the bar again. Tired of these raids, patrons fought back, refusing to be arrested or intimidated any longer. The history of who did what is often told incorrectly.

Marsha “Pay It No Mind” Johnson, a trans woman, didn’t throw the first brick – she climbed a lamp post and dropped A BAG FULL of bricks on a cop car. #Legend

Stormé DeLarverie may or may not have been the first person to throw punches inside the bar. Sylvia Rivera, Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, and other key people in LGBTQ+ history were there participating, too.

To commemorate the riots, the first Pride march was held in New York City on June 28, 1970. Originally called “Christopher Street Liberation Day,” the march was a way to honor those who had fought for LGBTQ+ rights during the riots.

Over time, the celebration grew to encompass not just a day of remembrance, but an entire month of festivities and events. It grew and other cities and areas began to hold their own Pride celebrations.

At the beginning of June, GLAAD published their Accelerating Acceptance 2023 report to share what they’d learned about support for the LGBTQ+ community from folks outside of it. Here’s just part of what they found:

  • A 96% supermajority of non-LGBTQ Americans agree that schools should be a safe and accepting place for all youth.
  • A 91% supermajority of non-LGBTQ Americans agree that LGBTQ people should have the freedom to live their life and not be discriminated against.
  • An 84% supermajority of non-LGBTQ Americans support equal rights for the LGBTQ community.
  • 55% of non-LGBTQ Americans do not understand the dimensions of the LGBTQ community or how to describe individuals that make up the LGBTQ community.
  • Less than 30% (28%) of non-LGBTQ Americans say they personally know a transgender person.
  • 50% of non-LGBTQ Americans agree that nonbinary and transgender people are new and/or unfamiliar to them.
  • Non-LGBTQ adults who are exposed to the LGBTQ community in media are 30% more likely to feel famliar with LGBTQ people overall, compared to people who haven’t been exposed to LGBTQ people in content or media.
  • 70% of non-LGBTQ adults agree companies should publicly support the LGBTQ community through hiring practices, advertising, and/or sponsorships.
  • 75% of non-LGBTQ adults are comfortable learning a family member is gay, lesbian or bisexual
  • 68% of non-LGBTQ adults are comfortable learning a family member is nonbinary.
  • 66% of non-LGBTQ adults are comfortable learning a family member is transgender.
  • 66% of non-LGBTQ Americans believe the false claim that the LGBTQ community is one group who all share similar needs and issues.
  • 54% of non-LGBTQ people believe the false claim that people who use they/them pronouns are, “in the process of figuring out who they are.”
  • 86% of non-LGBTQ Americans agree that exposure to online hate content leads to real-world violence.

You can read GLAAD’s full report here.

Yesterday, I shared some statistics from GLAAD’s Accelerating Acceptance 2023 report. Today, let’s talk about what a lack of acceptance can bring.

Note: I’ll be mentioning suicidal ideation and attempts.

Studies show that LGBTQ+ youth whose families reject them experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, shame, and isolation. And, this can lead to suicide attempts. A 2023 Trevor Project survey found that fewer than 40% of LGBTQ+ youth felt their home was affirming and accepting. That same survey found that 67% of youth reported anxiety (¾ of trans kids) and 54% reported depression (over ⅗ of trans kids).

Social rejection – like being attacked at school and in the political realm for just existing – hikes up rates of depression, gender dysphoria, and suicidal ideation. The Trevor Project’s 2023 survey found that one-third of youth said their mental health was poor most or all of the time because of anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. Two-thirds explicitly said that local, state, and national laws banning talking about the LGBTQ+ community at school tanked their mental health, too. Add to this the fact that a majority of youth (53%) reported being verbally harassed at school and got in trouble for fighting back (25%), and it’s easy to see why youth consider suicide.

The Trevor Project’s 2023 survey found that 41% of youth seriously considered committing suicide in the past year. (This specifically included half of trans and nonbinary youth.) Thankfully, that’s down slightly from 45% in 2022. Still, 14% of LGBTQ+ youth actually attempted suicide in the past year, including ⅕ of trans youth and 1/10 of queer youth.

These rates were highest for Native / Indigenous kids (22%), Middle Eastern and Northern African youth (18%), and multiracial kids (17%).

Overall, 81% of youth wanted to access mental health care, but 56% could not. That includes ⅗ of trans youth. Top reasons why they couldn’t access care included being afraid (47%), not wanting to get a parent’s permission (41%), not being taken seriously (40%), and not being able to afford it (38%). A staggering 20% had parents or caregivers who did not allow them to go.

Things are getting better but, as you see, they're still not great.

Pride was a riot, and it made me who I am.

Let me explain.

Pride was fought for by Black and Latinx trans folks, some of whom were disabled and neurodivergent.

Organizations like ACTUP paved the way for the patient activism work I do. You can see their touches in the activism around COVID-19 especially.

My ability to be out and openly trans, queer, disabled, and neurodivergent are all because of my transcestors.

Pride was a riot, and we should always remember that.

Selfie of Grayson Pride March photo of a sign that says "stonewall was a riot" Pride March photo of a sign that says "trans liberation now"

Did you know that the first drag queen was a formerly enslaved man? William Dorsey Swann held "grand rag" (drag) balls in secret in Washington, D.C.

As the Washington Critic reported in January 1887, police officers who raided one such gathering were surprised to encounter six Black men “dressed in elegant female attire,” including “corsets, bustles, long hose and slippers.” The following April, the Evening Star reported on a raid that targeted men in “female attire of many colors,” as well as “gaudy costumes of silk and satin.”

Swann became enthralled by the “queens of freedom” crowned at Washington’s Emancipation Day parades—annual celebrations first held in April 1866. Historically, each neighborhood was represented by a woman who “personified freedom for Black people,” according to historian Channing Gerard Joseph. Inspired by these queens, Swann started crowning the winners of his dance competitions the “queen of the ball,” says Joseph.

Swann also adopted the title for himself. As the Washington Critic noted on April 13, 1888, “William Dorsey, who, by the way, was the ‘queen,’” was one of 13 people arrested during a raid on a “drag party” the previous night.

The 1880s saw a “wave of laws passed in cities all across the country explicitly banning cross-dressing,” says historian Jen Manion, who adds that the rules were “applied very selectively” and were riddled with inconsistencies and contradictions. The arrests of Swann and his friends were “even more sensationalized in the press and probably drew the attention of authorities because most of the participants were Black,” Manion explains. “And this is in Jim Crow America. For queer … Black Americans to just see so much joy and freedom in their gender expression at this time was definitely seen as a threat.”

No known pictures of Swann survive. But his contributions to queer activism in Washington will soon be recognized with the redesignation of a stretch of Swann Street Northwest in his honor. The street was originally named for Thomas Swann, a former Maryland governor and Baltimore mayor who bore no relation to the drag queen.

“We have seen so much anti-trans and anti-drag legislation and rhetoric around the country in a very problematic way,” says Brooke Pinto, a D.C. Council member who introduced the bill. “In Washington, D.C., where we are proud to have so many trans residents, we [need to] speak up and recognize, sometimes through symbolism, sometimes through legislation, how important these issues are.”

The bill also calls for a historic plaque to be posted in Dupont Circle, a Washington neighborhood with a rich LGBTQ history. The plaque will sit at the corner of New Hampshire Avenue, Swann Street Northwest and 17th Street Northwest.

 

Note: the bulk of the above text comes from this Smithsonian Magazine article about Swann.

In the 2022 essay "My Pride is Black, My Juneteenth is Queer," Preston D. Mitchum shared:

Like Pride, Juneteenth for me as a Black queer person is also an invitation to reflect on the systemic ills of white supremacy and cultural hegemony. With its origins in Texas, Juneteenth is one of the oldest commemorations of the end of slavery in the U.S. Even though the Emancipation Proclamation was made effective in 1863, it could not be implemented in places still under Confederate control, nor did it apply to border states. The 13th Amendment officially ended slavery in the U.S. on January 31, 1865, and for Black Americans in Galveston, Texas, freedom finally came on June 19, 1865. However, it is important to note that Black Americans were enslaved in Delaware until December 6, 1865, when the 13th Amendment was finally ratified.

The reality is that some Black people were enslaved WELL INTO THE 1960s in the deep south. Even right now, there are still incarcerated Black Americans picking crops on plantations across the country.

The 13th amendment is not all it's cracked up to be. Just read it for yourself:

Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

If you have not yet watched the documentary 13th, this is the perfect time to do it. Netflix has it up for free on YouTube. This issue has been on the ballot in a few states recently, as in states specifically looking to remove slavery as a punishment (FINALLY).

I'll close by sharing two more Mitchum quotes:

Pride and Juneteenth both remind us of how government control over the lives, health and autonomy of LGBTQ, Black and other marginalized populations is deeply rooted in the history of this nation. It’s no secret that the Black LGBTQ community is overpoliced, and not just in terms of police and state violence, which we know is a persistent and deadly issue—but in terms of policing our autonomy, our lives and our identities.

The truth is that white supremacy has worked overtime to hide information from Black people and other marginalized communities. Many Black people only learning about Juneteenth within the last couple of years is hardly different from the delayed information communicated to formerly enslaved Black people in Galveston, Texas, on June 19, 1865. Lack of access to information is not accidental, and this year we are seeing deliberate attempts of silencing play out in real time in ways that harm LGBTQ youth of color.

Today on LinkedIn, I shared a post from a colleague about Judy Singer's transphobia. You can read that post here.

The importance of inclusive benefits in the workplace can't be overstated. Lacking access drives employee turnover, pushing employees towards jobs with better benefits or at least higher pay. Let's talk about steps you can take to ensure your benefits are inclusive.

#1. It's important to ensure that all health plans include coverage for gender-affirming healthcare. This includes everything from puberty blockers and hormone therapy to gender affirmation surgeries. Access to this kind of care is life-affirming — and saving.

#2. Your employees need to be able to access a variety of healthcare providers. These providers must not only “allies,” but specifically trained in caring for the LGBTQIA+ community. This is vital as we think about the fact that the US is alternating between stages 6-8 of Stanton’s 10 Stages of Genocide. (Check out this TikTok from a historian focused on genocide.) Seeing providers who are not affirming – or who believe they are but have never undergone training – can literally cost someone their life.

That includes coverage for families, meaning ensuring that benefits like insurance, financial planning, and parental and family leave are all available to everyone in an individual’s family. Both domestic partners and married partners must be able to join your employees’ health plans.

Traditionally, fertility and many other family-building benefits require a diagnosis of fertility to access. But, for LGBTQIA+ parents, that presents barriers. After all, we may not lack fertility but need to undergo IVF or other treatments. Building a family is stressful enough. Queer and trans parents should not have to deal with additional barriers, like defending their identities, appealing a lack of diagnosis codes, etc. Partnering with a third party company can help ensure that these steps are taken.

#3. All benefit companies need to undergo LGBTQIA+ competency training. This isn’t just limited to healthcare, but to retirement, life insurance, Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), and any provider your company networks with. (Yes, that includes your 401k and life insurance servicers.)

Many companies will push back and state that they cannot ensure that everyone is trained, and that’s true — to a point. That said, they can make it a main point of a contract to provide regular training that ensures everyone from customer service agents to therapists and beyond have received LGBTQIA+ related training. Companies can even recommend folks or organizations that can conduct these training sessions to help benefit companies at the beginning of their DEIB journeys.

Your company's HR team should be able to handle digging into the specifics of these issues. If not, they also might need some training.

Us trans folks aren't large in number, but apparently we're the absolute worst. /sarcasm

It really is weird to see so much conversation around such a small number of people. We just want to live our lives. It's not like we're spending a ton of money to develop and scam people with modified MRI tubes that aren't pressure rated highly but then taking them to visit the Titanic.

tweet from Shon @gayblackvet shared by PinkNews: Say you're in a room with 400 ppl. 36 don't have health insurance. 48 lives in poverty. 85 are illiterate. 90 have untreated mental illnesses. And everyday, at least 1 person is shot. But 2 are trans so you decide ruining their lives is a priority. That is what's happening rn

Quinn is a really good friend and I'm always happy to see his work shine. But, if I'm honest, having my quotes about cis fragility in his pieces is something I absolutely adore. Check out his recent piece, "Why trans people need to be included in the abortion fight" in Mashable — and check out my favorite quotes of mine below.

"A lot of people are so desperate to have their grief and frustration heard that they don’t care to push pause and see who they’re harming or how they’re playing into other systems of oppression."

"We're seeing many people engage in cis fragility or getting into a frenzy over including trans and nonbinary folks. The reality is that a ton of folks who can give birth are trans men, trans masculine, non–binary, intersex Two Spirit, and more. Sex itself is not binary, but a spectrum too. Erasing these folks not only plays into outdated and harmful gender stereotypes and the binary – it also is an act of white supremacy and colonialism."

Wondering if you should deadname someone in a need article, like Medscape recently did? Want to be sure you're handling the trans community with care?

As a proud member of the Trans Journalists Association, I highly suggest that you check out the TJA's style guide. While specifically set up for journalism, it's a helpful guide for many situations outside of it, too.

Yesterday, I was ecstatic to see one of my favorite YouTube channels, Octopus Lady, talk about sex and gender. As a former aquarist, she normally addresses — you guessed it — ocean life. But, since many cisgender people incorrectly assume that sex and gender are the same thing, she used clown fish as an example to talk about these pressing issues. She also covers intersex conditions and how having one doesn't mean someone is trans.

Many people aren't aware of where anti-LGBTQ+ legislation is at in the process where they live. With over 500 bills this year so far, I get it. There's so much going on in the world and it can be hard to get updates.

That's where the Trans Formations Project Inc comes in.

They regularly post about what's recently happened and what's coming up, specifically around anti-trans bills in the US. Not only does this get posted to social media, but it's in a round-up on Teen Vogue and them. (both great resources for staying on top of what's happening nationally). You can also sign up for their newsletter here.

The project also hosts a nightly update on Twitch at 6 pm Eastern to share updates.

I highly suggest folks look at the wealth of information the project shares and continue to track these bills. Throughout the legislative process, you can voice your concern about how anti-trans bills are affecting trans folks — especially youth.

Today is the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, one of the largest battles for LGBTQIA+ rights in the U.S. Since I covered this before, I want to focus on how Stonewall wasn't the only riot or uprising.

- 1959: queer and trans patrons fought back against harassment from police at Los Angeles' Cooper Do-Nuts.

- 1961: a brawl took place at Black Nite in Milwaukee after four servicemen decided to date each other to attend the queer-friendly bar.

- 1966: San Francisco police harassed trans women and drag queens at Compton's, and the victims had their fill of going along quietly.

- 1967: a police raid of the Black Cat Tavern in Silver Lake turned violent (because of police behavior), prompting demonstrations.

- 1970: LGBTQIA+ activists protest the illegal arrest and detainment of Black Panther Party leaders in NYC. Police then raided The Haven, a popular queer space, prompting the protesters to go and fight back.

After this attack on The Haven, police would raid Black Panther Party offices in Philadelphia in addition to fighting against LGBTQIA+ folks in the NYC area for weeks.

Stonewall was important. It helped more publicly show that the community could fight back. But, it's important to remember that this wasn't the only incident — and it wasn't the only one where BIPOC members led the charge, either.

An Audre Lorde quote strikes me in this moment: “I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” Situations like these, where LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC communities specifically worked to further liberation for each other, have to make a comeback. There are so many people who buy into harmful and racist ideologies, forgetting how most LGBTQIA+ rights were fought for by those facing multiple forms of oppression — and especially the ones that many still perpetuate today, from racism and transphobia to anti-sex worker ideals.

What's even worse is the many people who idolize Marsha P. Johnson and others formative to the queer and trans rights movements, but then do things like spew hate against sex workers... as if Marsha, Sylvia Rivera, and many other leaders weren't in that line of work.

It takes all of us working together and fighting for one another to make progress. As we navigate the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, rampant transphobia and racism, and more, we'd be smart to remember that.

 

A lot of people cite a Bible quote to talk about how we need to stay in contact with our family. Did you know they misuse and misremember the quote?

“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" actually means that the relationships you create yourself are stronger and more important than those created by blood.

I haven't spoken to my mother since May 4, 2014. This decision was over two years in the making and probably the hardest one I've ever had to make. It also meant cutting contact with a lot of my extended family, too, because they all love to gossip and share information back and forth.

While I made this move before I discovered my transness, it helped to set me up for safety. My mother has never been one to support the LGBTQIA+ community fully. I was almost grounded in high school because my friends and at-the-time boyfriend attended a queer marriage protest. My mom claimed we had civil unions and didn't need marriage.

The first time I thought about gender deeply, I was in college. I told my mom that "sometimes I feel like a dude trapped in a chick's body." Her response was "I don't want to hear you say that ever again." So, I stuffed it way down and didn't explore it more. She'd already blown up about my being openly bisexual (a term I've now swapped for queer as it better describes me).

That feeling popped back up as I met people in the trans community. I asked them about their experiences and learned more about myself than I realized. When the Pulse shooting happened, it pulled everything out of me — queerness, transness, depression.

Creating a chosen family — one that intentionally supports, loves, and understands me — helped immensely. I had never had unconditional support before and, frankly, I didn't know what I was missing.

My chosen family has literally saved my life in many ways and at multiple times. They supported me when my ex-husband couldn't handle my transness and asked for a divorce. They helped me process my feels, then move out and into my own place. These folks became my sounding board for big decisions, my celebration committee when things were worth celebrating.

To be quite honest, I wouldn't be alive without my chosen family. To those of you who are a part of that, thank you. Thank you for giving me a chance at an amazing life.

As a white person, I don't believe that I should have the final word for this Pride Month post. Instead, please go read Raquel Willis' poem titled "What is Trans Liberation?"

Writing